I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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