Someone shit on the floor
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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