Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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