The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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