my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
