(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
