my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
