Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
