I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
