I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
