Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
