I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Less talking, more tequila
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
