Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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