You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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