No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
