The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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