my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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