Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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