I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I smell stomach acid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
