Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
