Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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