is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you win again, gameday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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