I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
