Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize