my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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