Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
