She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
