everyone is single if you try hard enough
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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