god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
