there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
