Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
