uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
