You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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