I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
