your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
