come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
