Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
