why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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