On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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