i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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