Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
40s are totally the cure
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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