why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
