is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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