Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
