Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
