I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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