Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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