I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
