so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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