Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed

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(314): View more from Missouri

I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.

Fav 1 2310 975
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(520): View more from Arizona

She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math

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(805): View more from California

i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party

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(563): View more from Iowa

Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.

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(815): View more from Illinois

if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.

Fav 2 916 789
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(925): View more from California

Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him

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(813): View more from Florida

Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.

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