Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
