He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
