I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
