God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
