her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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