the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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