wat bout pragnant strippers??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
