On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
