Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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