FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
