Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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