i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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