this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
