Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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