I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
