Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
