i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
