don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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