Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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