u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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