Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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