Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
