Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
