Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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