She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
