My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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