a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
