Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
