You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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